“Friends don’t lie.”
— Eleven, Stranger Things
A few years ago, I pulled a muscle in my back while at work. I’m fortunate to work in a building that has its own wellness and fitness center, so my lunch break is often filled with some sort of exercise activity. I wish I had a better story about how it happened. I wasn’t attempting to dunk over an opponent during a friendly basketball game or attempting a personal best while Olympic lifting. Either of those would sound badass.
How I actually got hurt was when I was about to start a meeting and sat down awkwardly in a chair.
After the meeting, I hobbled back to my office where I encountered two of my coworkers. As they saw me pained and dragging myself back to my desk, I immediately recognized their concern.
Their eyes widened and their faces scrunched. They covered their mouths and contorted themselves like I was a baby in need of comfort.
“Gary… oh my god… are you ok….?”
They immediately offered assistance, even though time and a bag of ice was the only thing that could really help me. But I felt the compassion.
In that moment, despite my pain and embarrassment, I felt a calming sense of pride.
Just a few weeks prior — I had lead our team through a CliftonStrengths workshop. I also recalled that both of them had Empathy in their Top 5. I was excited that I had spotted their natural talents.
Suddenly, my pain was not the most important thing on my mind. I smiled and looked at my coworkers:
“There’s your Empathy… I’ll be ok!”
Stranger Things
That story naturally brings me to the Netflix hit show, Stranger Things. I actually have only seen the first two seasons, so hopefully I don’t spoil anything.
Empathy makes me think about one of the stars of the show, Eleven — played by Millie Bobby Brown..
Eleven, the young heroine of Stranger Things, possesses supernatural telepathic powers that allow her to connect with others in unusual ways and move objects with her mind. Her backstory is complicated but she was basically raised in a lab and subject to scientific experiments. Beyond her special abilities, Eleven has deep emotional sensitivities. She doesn’t just see danger; she feels the emotions of those around her. Like actually feels them, with nose bleeds.
Eleven has a 6th sense – a sort of internal warning sign that goes off, making her more aware of her friends and her ability to protect them from weird demons and monsters.
More Than Just Other People’s Shoes
In our everyday understanding of the word Empathy, most people would say it describes the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and experience what they are feeling. In the CliftonStrengths framework, Empathy is also the ability to sense the emotions of those around you. It’s about feeling what others feel, often without words. People with strong Empathy talents also can build deep connections and provide comfort. They are the ones who notice when someone is having a bad day and offer a listening ear. They know how to innately foster trust, and that gives them more opportunities to practice their Empathy talent and turn it into a strength.
The other day I was facilitating a Strengths session for managers. One of the activities that I love to do as an icebreaker is to play Uno. I jumped in a game because there were an odd number of people, and the person to my right explained that she hadn’t played the game in many years. The person before her put down a +4 wild card, and she looked at me for some direction. I told her that she had to draw 4 cards, unless of course she also had a +4 wild, which in that case would cause me to draw 8 cards.
She looked at me with the same pained expression that my coworkers did, distraught that she was about to be the cause of my certain defeat. I smiled, looked at the Top 5 that she listed on her name tag, and said (once again) “See, there’s your Empathy!“
Using Your Empathy
Reflecting on my experiences, I’ve realized that Empathy is a supernatural power in its own right. Just as Eleven uses her abilities to protect and connect, those with Empathy navigate the landscapes of their environments, offering support and understanding to others.
In workplaces or teams Empathy fosters unity and compassion. While those who don’t have Empathy talents near the top of their list still have the capacity for empathy, it might hit us a little bit slower. That’s ok!
What we want to make sure of is that those who do have this talent are also extended the same comforts, to ensure we’re not just dumping all of the emotional detritus of the workplace onto them. For heavier things, of course there are professionals who we should refer others to. But for the everyday emotions of the world of work, be thankful that we have partners with Empathy talents.
So whether you’re a fan of Stranger Things or someone who’s experienced the comfort of a compassionate colleague, Empathy can help us forge stronger relationships — whether it’s with our project team or the kids from the neighborhood who we’re fighting back demons with.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.